Archives for June 2018

Your Wizard Activist Archetype: Which Harry Potter Activist are you?

With Kayla Kurin

I’m a bit of a quiz-taking obsessive.

I will begrudgingly take every Buzzfeed quiz about Pixar, Marvel, and Gilmore girls, then debate with the screen over my results.

I do believe this is relevant to one’s heroine training. Seeing myself in different characters helps me to understand different aspects of my personality.

In preparation for our Rebel Heroine Retreat in Edinburgh, Kayla and I put our Potter-ful, Gryffindor heads together to create our own quiz, which explores 10 wizard activist archetypes based on characters in the Harry Potter series.

At our retreat, I am presenting on Finding Your Role in the Revolution, and using your personal strengths and tendencies as an activist to make change most effectively.

In writing these archetype profiles with Kayla, a common theme kept coming up: while it’s important to know yourself, it is also important to know what other kinds of personalities will best support your own in your projects.

I hope you enjoy taking our quiz and quibbling with the results. Remember that with this and any other, say, Sorting Hat Quiz, you get the final say on where you belong. ;)

You can take the quiz here!

And/or explore all of the archetypes below…

Hermione Granger

The Initiator

If you don’t start a movement, who will? You are an initiator and a natural organiser.

Hermione founded S.P.E.W., brought Dumbledore’s Army together, and was the only one who actually prepared for the horcrux hunt, saving the trios’ lives on multiple occasions.

Her projects are not perfect, but look at the improvements she implemented between years 4 and 5. S.P.E.W. is really all about Hermione – she spent a lot of time fighting for house elf rights before taking the time to hear from the elves themselves. Knowledge is power, and in addition to being well read, communication can take Hermione’s efforts another step further.

For the DA, is less concerned with receiving credit, instead appointing Harry as leader, allowing his charisma and experience to bring strength to her vision. The first meeting is a discussion, allowing for collaboration and the strengths of others to make her project as effective as possible, even outlasting her own membership. Finding talented people and letting them do their thing is one of the signs of a great leader.

Learn from Hermione’s growth in accepting help, and the consequences of overcommitment and exhaustion. Be sure to take time to rest, and be careful in considering which projects are worth your energy.

Ron Weasley

The Follower

You’re loyal to the causes you care about, and with direction, you bring crucial support that brings others’ ideas to life.

Ron represents the importance of being a follower. While he often gets jealous of Harry or Hermione taking the spotlight, his assistance is crucial to the success of the trio’s causes.

While Ron is a great person to delegate to for causes he cares about, he is absolutely rubbish when he doesn’t believe in the cause. Take his prefect duties for example.

Like his chess piece at the end of year 1, sometimes Ron has to sacrifice his personal glory for the group to succeed. As challenging as it is to do the work that isn’t often credited, Ron’s willingness to overcome personal obstacles allows him to evolve into a better activist.

Harry Potter

The Spokesperson

You’re a natural leader and people are drawn to follow you. You’re filled with passion about the causes you care about, face difficult conversations head on, and would love to single-handedly be the one to make an impact.

From calling out Draco’s blood prejudices to telling the truth about Voldemort despite negative backlash, Harry is never afraid of the consequences of sharing his beliefs.

As Hermione points out, Harry has a bit of a ‘saving people thing’, and his weakness lies in his reluctance to let others help him. Remember in year 1 he wanted to go through the trapdoor all by himself? Yeah that wouldn’t have worked.

Harry truly shines when he collaborates with his friends and brings their strengths together. He makes a stellar leader and instructor, and sharing his skills and ideas with others proves essential to winning the war.

Fred and George Weasley

The Maverick

You’re busy, creative, and super ambitious. You have no interest in meeting with authority figures or writing policies – your skills are better suited for more visible kinds of activism.

Whether it’s creating diversions (fireworks and swamps, ahem), starting a secret radio show, or volunteering for The Order, Fred and George know how to jump behind a cause and add their unique flair and creativity.

Don’t let Molly’s idea of traditional success get you down – use your commanding presence as a superpower.

Albus Dumbledore

The Wise One

You have an acute sense what needs to be done to bring more love into the world, and you’re determined to do it.

Albus’s journey with activism is long and difficult one. The wise old wizard has learned from his years of experience, sometimes the hard way. The Dumbledore we meet is calm and understanding even under duress, and his strength lies in his devotion to his core values: trust and love.

He has learned that seeking power, even for the right reasons, can be dangerous. The older and wiser Dumbledore understands the value of collaboration. His plans thrive when he empowers those around him to discover their strengths.

Like Dumbledore, learn to question over-simplifications such as “for the greater good”, and strive to be well-read, constantly informed, and surrounded by trusted friends and allies.

Severus Snape

The Spy

You’re here for the long game. You’re not concerned with getting credit for big acts of heroism, but you are willing to put everything on the line for causes that you’re passionate about.

While Dumbledore credits Severus with Gryffindor-esque bravery for his covert missions, Severus is a true Slytherin, motivated by the people who matter to him most. Although he gets swept up by power as a teen, the weight of his actions in the Dark Arts are felt by him when those he cares about are personally affected.

Severus uses his unique perspective as a former Death Eater to the Order’s advantage. Dumbledore, haunted by his past, stays as far away from past temptations as he can, but Severus’s mental strength combined with his intelligence and determination prove essential to defeating Voldemort.

Maybe he could have generally been nicer though. We know you’d never threaten to poison Trevor, right?

Molly Weasley

The Nurturer

You understand the importance of taking care of yourself, your family, and your community in the midst of great change.

Learn from Molly Weasley that a cup of tea and a warm meal can go a long way. Having a safe space for rest is just as valuable as being on the front lines of battle.

Molly literally guides Harry through Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, and gives him and many others a space to call home in The Burrow. She may have the dueling skills, but resorts to them only when absolutely needed.

Sometimes Molly can be judgemental and overprotective about her children, worrying about Fred and George’s poor performance in school, and resisting to Bill’s relationship with Fleur without putting in effort to get to know her. She has her children’s best interests at heart, and could put a little more trust in them to make their own choices.

Aberforth Dumbledore

The Reluctant Hero

You are not here for the glory, and maybe you aren’t so into being called an activist.

Aberforth does not find activism empowering or personally fulfilling; he is merely pissed off at how things are going in the world, and feels obligated to do something about it. He would much rather be caring for his sister than pursuing traditional heroics, but is always there when needed.

Understandably skeptical of social campaigns, Aberforth is a questioner who needs more convincing than most before taking action. He keeps his allies in check, reminding everyone to take time and consideration before jumping to conclusions about what really is ‘for the greater good’.

He may seem surly and indifferent, but don’t forget that he was a member of both iterations of the Order of the Phoenix. He proves himself beyond capable, diverting the Death Eaters’ attention away from Harry’s patronus and providing safe passage into the Room of Requirement through his pub. He may not enjoy keeping an (electric blue) eye on you, but will be there nonetheless.

While Albus makes great strides to correct his wrongs and not let them detract from the present, Aberforth can get a bit stuck in the past, letting bitterness in the way of personal progress.

Neville Longbottom

The Quiet Leader

You are not afraid to stand up for your beliefs – to your enemies or your friends. People may underestimate the value of your understated courage, but you strive for change constantly in daily interactions.

While Neville may be remembered for bold actions like restarting Dumbledore’s Army and defeating Nagini with the Sword of Gryffindor, his most courageous acts are in his steadfast dedication to his views.

As a wee first year, Neville earns the critical 10 points to Gryffindor for standing up to his friends. Neville is a loyal follower, but does not shy away from confronting his pals when their actions may not be wise. In Year 7, he stands up to the Carrows, refusing to perform the Cruciatus Curse on students.

Neville faces critique from authority, from his overbearing Gran to Professor Snape. Finding nurturing mentors like Lupin and Sprout, and encouraging friends like Hermione and Luna, remind him of the value of your your courage, abilities, and impact.

Luna Lovegood

The Believer

You’re not afraid to be yourself no matter what others may think, and you don’t miss a chance to speak up for the things you truly believe in.

Luna is curious, resourceful, and full of knowledge, informing others about Thestrals, and providing access to The Quibbler and the Ravenclaw Common Room. Her Ravenclaw qualities are a valuable asset to a Gryffindor-heavy team.

She exemplifies an enviable level of calm in the face of fear, and isn’t afraid to voice an unpopular opinion, but benefits greatly from others’ guidance and reminder of the greater picture.

Luna’s eccentricity is endearing to those around her, but can be alienating to the general public. Rather than being a figurehead herself, Luna makes a great advisor, providing support to spokespeople like Harry to communicate and implement her knowledge.

Xandra

P.S. This March 2019, I’ll be presenting at the Granger Leadership Academy in Philadelphia. It’s my annual activist check-in, and always a transformative experience. I hope to see you there!

P.P.S. Leave a comment and let us know which character you got!

A Chapter Books Party

We were on a walk through the grounds of Armadale Castle when we realised our mutual love of the Baby-Sitters Club.

We were already pretty close.

AC and I were on a trip to the Isle of Skye, just the two of us.

We were doing a master’s degree in theatre together in Edinburgh.

She had graduated from UVA, and I was born in Charlottesville.

We had spent the train to Skye analysing which Taylor Swift songs were about which Jane Austen characters.

But it was Karen Brewer that really tipped us into super friendship.

Mary Anne Spier.

Molly McIntire.

“B” is for Betsy.

Ramona Quimby.

Jo March.

Nancy Drew.

Skye O’Shea.

Abby Hayes.

^ These girls were more than just characters in the books I read as a kid. They were my friends.

In fact, my first ever blog post on Heroine Training was about how fifth grader Abby Hayes inspired the daily journaling practice I’ve kept for fifteen years now. [Her author, Anne Mazer, replied to my tweet about it and my life was made.]

Summer = Summer Reading.

What better way to kick off the summer than to gush about the books we read as kids that shaped who we are as adults?

I truly believe that I am running a business because of the BSC.

I became interested in journalism through Kit Kittredge.

I even had a momentary ambition to be a hockey player because of Skye O’Shea.

What about you?

Heroine-Training-Tea-Party

On Saturday 30 June, join us for a backyard tea party in Oakton, VA.

^ the city where I first read Goblet of Fire in the year 2000.

This will be sixth Heroine Training Tea Party, an intimate, salon-style experience, where likeminded readers gather to connect with ourselves and each other through literature.

Our table, which seats 10, will be set in a private home in Oakton, VA [AC’s house. isn’t that cool?!], to be revealed in confidence to attendees.

> Reserve your seat for tea.

American Girl dolls welcome but not required.

Xandra

P.S. Please write back! What books did you read as a kid?

P.P.S. You can browse all upcoming Heroine Training Events here!

On Mental Health and Kate Spade

I was walking home from therapy when I received a text from my friend about Kate Spade.

I instantly felt that something was horribly wrong, perhaps a tragic accident. These days, my mind tends to jump to the worst case scenario. This time, it was worse than I had imagined. A quick google informed me that one of my modern role models had died, had taken her life. Not an accident.

I always felt an affinity for this creative and colourful woman. It shattered me to learn in this way that we also shared a battle with depression.

If you are familiar with my work and/or my wardrobe, you know that I am obsessed with the brand Kate Spade and the empowerment it stands for.

What you may know less about is my deep admiration for the woman who started it all. The woman whose vision was to pair handbags and high fashion with practicality. The woman who was not actually called Kate Spade (She was Kate, he was Spade), but poured her identity into her work, work that helped so many other women piece together their own identities through style and whimsy.

For my birthdays I receive Kate Spade presents from my Mama, and while I adore my sparkly pencil case and zodiac jewellery, the gifts with the most meaning have come from the Original Kate: Mama tracked down her trio of lifestyle books [now out of print, and endearingly retro], and gave me a bucket bag from Frances Valentine’s first collection.

From these books I learned the value of delightful footnotes, and that Kate loved dogs.

From Kate’s new venture, Frances Valentine, I learned about the evolution of projects, from small to big to bigger to small again, and staying true to one’s creative vision.

Obsessing over Frances Valentine on Instagram felt like a well-kept secret, while taxi cabs with the Kate Spade branding rolled by in plain sight.

I feel a responsibility to say something, about Katherine Brosnahan, and about mental health.

I want to respect the specifics of her experience, and what I do not and cannot ever understand. We have been told that she took her life, and left a note.

Her sister has since used the term ‘manic depression’ and explained that that Kate was afraid of seeking help for depression because of a conflict with her playful branding.

This breaks my heart.

I want to have told Kate that being public about her depression wouldn’t change anything.

I want to have said that she could be both.

But I know that in my personal experience it is so hard to be convinced of anything when feeling that removed from myself.

And honestly – I fear that she would have faced humiliation and scrutiny if during her lifetime she were ‘found out’. As I scroll through articles now, in light of her death, I am appalled by some sensationalised headlines.

It saddens me to say that I understand. I understand a piece of what she was going through, and I can only hope that awareness of her story can help others.

I hope that mental health will be taken more seriously.

I hope that the floods of love and support that have followed this tragedy will help to reduce stigma and that for someone else, getting help will require less strength. There is enough internal strength required. I wish for there to be as little external strength and worry as possible.

I hope that the conversation following Kate’s death is around legitimising depression, and making it easier to ask for help.

**For someone with depression, asking for help will always be difficult.**

I hope that some of the social barriers can be lifted to make it easier, one tiniest fraction at a time.

Sometimes when I have a cold, I am lying in bed, dehydrated, knowing that if I got up and filled my cup with water, I would feel 100 times better. But I am so tired and sore and worn down, that it takes tremendous energy to go and get it.

My depression is like this, except it’s not always as simple as getting a cup of water. There might be no water available when I try to turn on the tap. It might taste horrible.

And all the while, my head is telling me that even if the water would bring certain relief, I don’t deserve it. I don’t want to feel better. I don’t need to feel better, I will just lie here, forever.

The reality of getting help for depression

I have been doing very well with therapy.

I had to try four different therapists to find one who fits, and under the spell of depression, trying once feels impossible (For the record: Two didn’t help, one made it worse, one made it better). I have been to the emergency room twice for mental illness (one time helped, one time made it worse). It took many many tries and a tremendous amount of energy from my family and friends to persuade me to try to get help, over and over and over.

When I heard about Kate Spade, I was spooked with how fortunate I was, to have emerged from an hour of therapy that I now willingly attend, that I know brings me stability and improves my wellbeing.

To have systems in place to care for myself, from regular massage therapy to daily mandatory rest to having an immense support system of friends and family who care, understand, and are here for me.

I am so grateful for the support that I didn’t even know I had, when I put up my Gone Camping sign six months ago and took a break from work.

Unlike any other, the Kate Spade brand celebrates not just the clothing, but the person wearing it.

The Kate Spade Miss Adventure series already encourages embracing opposites: colour and play in the face of ‘mishap’. This whimsical acceptance of imperfection has helped me on many occasions, reinforcing the idea that I don’t have to be feeling bright to wear bright colours.

I want to be clear that I don’t add colour to cover up, or bury in sparkle. The art of dressing up is healing for me. It doesn’t have to be one way or another. We can adorn our stresses, and add beauty to grief, to accept it and make it slightly more bearable, because every slight help is an improvement.

I wish for depression to be separated from personality and accomplishment.

I want the worry that depression is ‘not on brand’ to be as silly a thought as saying that a broken wrist is ‘not on brand’.

Being a heroine is about the full picture, and all parts of the journey.

A heroine’s life is curated, and by definition, curation means leaving things out. Some blame social media for depicting an unrealistic view of our lives, through filtering and editing and what we choose to share. This has always been the case.

A fashion designer’s iconic handbag is the result of hundreds of tries. An author’s published work is the result of thousands of edits. All the scrapped parts, the broken handles, the tries and failures are left behind, and we see the end result.

I am so so sad for this news, because I was helped so much by Kate and what she created.

My friend Lily describes medication as a band aid for mental illness, something that will support the healing process. Medication has not ever worked for me (it has for many many people I know), but I have band aids of my own, and Kate’s art – her designs, writing, and vision – is one of them.

I don’t think aspirational is a bad thing. Dressing the part of the heroine I want to play helps me to get into character.

I want that narrative to not only include the good, but overcoming the bad. I want my dress to stand for not a life of perfection, but of outlasting imperfection. Of picking herself up again. Life can be all rosy, if we remember that roses also have thorns. If we remember the beauty to be found in fallen petals.

Xandra

P.S. I am of course, not a doctor or a psychologist or a therapist. I have written myself a Spell for Feeling Well, which you can download for free. I use it mental health maintenance (not treatment).

If you feel that you need more help, I encourage you to seek it, and to keep trying until something helps. I admire the bravery of each of you have sought help, who will seek help, and who will be there for someone who needs it.

How to Enjoy Skype Dates (For Heroines Who Find them Tedious)

Confession: I kind of detest Skype dates.

When a distant friend says let’s Skype I used to be like Yeaahhhh…

I love keeping in touch with long distance friends. Of course I do.

But my goodness do I hate Skype dates.

So I asked myself, what is it about Skype that I dread so much?

I decided to tackle this hurdle once and for all, by acknowledging everything I dislike about Skype dates, and addressing them one by one.

PROBLEM: I don’t want to stare at a screen.

I spend more than enough time on the computer as it is.

SOLUTION: Turn off video, or make it full screen.

Just because I can use a tech tool, doesn’t mean I need to. When my eyes are tired, or I’m feeling extra distract-able, I don’t use video. When I do use video, I make the application full screen and position my hands away from the keyboard for once.

PROBLEM: Skype catch-ups take too long.

I may have a blast, but then I go, great scot, look at the time, we’ve been here nearly four hours!, and get all grumpy for pushing forward my evening routine.

Knowing that this tends to happen, I am less likely to schedule a chat in the first place, and more likely to cancel.

SOLUTION: A 30-minute time limit.

30 minutes is my personal limit for an online chat, compact as a cup of tea. I’d rather chat for 30 minutes once a month than for three hours a couple times a year. I’ll give my undivided attention for that half hour: no tabs up or laundry folding or multitasking of any kind.

THE PROBLEM: Technical blips.

‘I can’t hear you.’
‘I can’t see you.’
‘You froze.’
‘Can you hear me now?’
‘Weird, it’s working now! I don’t know what it was’.

THE SOLUTION: Address swiftly and move on.

Hang up and call back.
Switch platforms.
Turn off video.
Consciously reduce technical small talk, the online version of commenting on the weather.

THE PROBLEM: Time Zones.

There’s the inevitable, ‘Can you do this time? How about this time?’ Especially if they’re in the dreadfully inconvenient – gasp – pacific standard time.

THE SOLUTION: I started a personal Calendly.

This appointment-arranging tool is free if you have just one type of calendar. I input my availability, it converts the time zones for me, and eliminates the back and forth.

[On the rare occasion that nothing works, I get some feedback on what would work better; the calendar at least starts the conversation.]

THE PROBLEM: Skype dates coop me up.

I fear that planning my day around a digital date will keep me from living life in the real world.

THE SOLUTION: Two available time slots only.

Monday afternoons:As I start my week, I tend to be too busy to meet people in person anyway.

Tuesday evenings: On ‘Steve’s night out’ I encourage him to meet up with friends and pursue his personal hobbies. I stay home with the puppy. This opens up a more convenient slot for west coasters, and doesn’t impede on family time.

The occasional weekend: If Steve is away, I add extra dates to accommodate more time zones and work schedules.

Other Alternatives to scheduling a time to chat:

Voxer: This Kim Possible-worthy walkie talkie app lets you send voice memos back and forth (Messenger does too, but cuts you off at a minute). My creativity partner Scott and I trade voice memos across inconvenient time zones. I like to to listen and respond while I’m walking, carrying little conversations around in my pocket.

Send a video: Instead of typing out a paragraph, I’ll send a short video on Messenger or Instagram.

Pick up the phone. For long distant friends still in the UK, I’ll give them a ring when I have a moment. Also good for coordinating with local friends about when we’re meeting where. (Can you tell I’m not a huge fan of texting back and forth? :) )

Write a letter. I carry letters and extra stationery in my planner. At lunch or on a pomodoro break I’ll write a letter.

Write a postcard. I keep a box of postcards by my bedside table, and if I feel the urge to text someone, I write a postcard instead. Even if they live around the corner, even if I will see them tomorrow.

Evolving backwards.

In an ideal world, I would return to the corded phone. As old and as cute as possible please.

Xandra

P.S. How to Socialise as an Introvert

P.P.S. To stay in touch with you, reader, I hop on Instagram Stories every now and then. ;)

Her Favourite Spot by the Train Station

Traveling in style is a state of mind.

When I think ‘traveling in style’ I think stacks of Louis Vuitton luggage, a smart peacoat, kitten heels, and a cute little hat.

While this dolled up vision is aesthetically admirable, what it signifies to me really is a sense of control, of poise, of un-rushed-ness.

When I travel I like to make every part of the journey a stretched-out and lavish event.

Every heroine needs her favourite spot by the train station.

I have a fear of being late. At school when we had 10 minute breaks between classes, I would first navigate to my next class before sitting down with my book. It’s the same mentality with travel – I prefer to get to the station hours in advance, and to make this process as pleasurable as possible.

A favourite pre-travel ritual of mine is to meet a friend for coffee and breakfast on the way to the train station [or by the tram on the way to the airport].

While the station itself is rammed with passengers squeezing their luggage into Starbucks, I like to look just outside instead.

A well-travelled woman has her pre-travel rituals, location-specific to whichever vessel is taking her on her next adventure.

Here are a few of my favourites, ‘at the station’, or just outside:

By Edinburgh Waverly Station, I’ll stop by Baba Budan for espresso and doughnuts, or Fruitmarket Gallery for a light lunch and culture fix.
By the York Place tram stop on the way to Edinburgh Airport, I’ll stop by Fortitude for their own roasted coffee, or The Basement for a taste of Mexico.
On the way to London Euston Station, I’ll stop at Store Street Espresso for coffee and breakfast.
Before catching the train from London King’s Cross I’ll stop at Caravan or Drink Shop Do, and allow plenty of time to swing by the Platform 9 3/4 shop for Fairtrade chocolate (thanks Harry Potter Alliance!) and browsing for house pride accessories. It feels extra magical to take the train from King’s Cross to Scotland with wizarding sweets, I must say.
If flying from Paris Charles de Gaulle, I arrive early to play their free arcade games (YES REALLY. Paris’s geek chic is such an underreported story) and pick up a macaron to go.
London Heathrow Airport also has a Ladurée counter. The perfect sized snack for a layover.
At London Stansted Airport, my spot is Joe & the Juice.
Delayed at Washington Dulles Airport for 5 hours, we ditched Terminal C (which has &Pizza, for future reference) for the much more pleasant and spacious Terminal B, which has Five Guys and Dior.
And don’t forget to take advantage of first class lounges if you have access to them!

Start a pre-travel tradition.

I love inviting a friend to meet at the station before I travel, but when they are off on an adventure I ask them to meet before. I’m happy to watch their bags while they collect tickets and such, and I get to sample a bit of wanderlust fairy dust by seeing them off.

When I visit my parents in Boston, my mom and I have a tradition to stop at the MFA before my flight. After loading up my bags in the morning, we peruse the galleries, enjoy lunch in the courtyard, then head off to Logan Airport.

If Steve and I have an early morning plane to catch, we make a dinner reservation the night before. This gives us a soft deadline to be packed and ready to go before enjoying dining out. This saves us the hassle of cooking and cleaning up, and gives us an earlier packing deadline in the form of a pre-travel treat.

Tuck your flat into bed.

After packing my bags, I change the towels and sheets, feed the plants, generally tidy, and empty bins. When I return from my travels, it’s to a fresh and tidy abode [although perhaps a bit dusty].

Sumptuous snacks

Here’s one I took from Gossip Girl. When Serena and Dan are traveling back to the city from the Hamptons via Jitney, Serena brings a pile of glossy magazines and – get this – a luxurious box of chocolate covered strawberries as her travel snack. Consider the bar raised for travel style inspo.

While Steve finds the First Class upgrade on Virgin Trains utterly worth it [for the legroom and comfy seats], I prefer to travel coach and allocate that extra budget towards fancy snacks. I pick up a basket at M&S and allow myself to select a juice, wrap, snack, and dessert, all for far less than a First Class upgrade.

‘But I have enough to worry about without adding all this extra stuff to do!’

I hear you. Be super ambitious about these rituals. If you don’t have time for them, that’s fine. But it creates a buffer so that the important stuff does get done sooner. And think of it this way: enjoying every morsel of the chocolate cake that is travel prolongs the enjoyment of it.

P.S. My Heroine’s Guide to Packing is coming soon. Sign up to be the first to hear when it’s available!

P.P.S. Let’s put our heads together, heroines, and make the comments section a collection of global resources. What are your favourite outside-the-box favourites near train stations and airports?

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