Chapter
Jun 12 2018
When a distant friend says let’s Skype I used to be like Yeaahhhh…
I love keeping in touch with long distance friends. Of course I do.
But my goodness do I hate Skype dates.
I decided to tackle this hurdle once and for all, by acknowledging everything I dislike about Skype dates, and addressing them one by one.
I spend more than enough time on the computer as it is.
Just because I can use a tech tool, doesn’t mean I need to. When my eyes are tired, or I’m feeling extra distract-able, I don’t use video. When I do use video, I make the application full screen and position my hands away from the keyboard for once.
I may have a blast, but then I go, great scot, look at the time, we’ve been here nearly four hours!, and get all grumpy for pushing forward my evening routine.
Knowing that this tends to happen, I am less likely to schedule a chat in the first place, and more likely to cancel.
30 minutes is my personal limit for an online chat, compact as a cup of tea. I’d rather chat for 30 minutes once a month than for three hours a couple times a year. I’ll give my undivided attention for that half hour: no tabs up or laundry folding or multitasking of any kind.
‘I can’t hear you.’
‘I can’t see you.’
‘You froze.’
‘Can you hear me now?’
‘Weird, it’s working now! I don’t know what it was’.
Hang up and call back.
Switch platforms.
Turn off video.
Consciously reduce technical small talk, the online version of commenting on the weather.
There’s the inevitable, ‘Can you do this time? How about this time?’ Especially if they’re in the dreadfully inconvenient – gasp – pacific standard time.
This appointment-arranging tool is free if you have just one type of calendar. I input my availability, it converts the time zones for me, and eliminates the back and forth.
[On the rare occasion that nothing works, I get some feedback on what would work better; the calendar at least starts the conversation.]
I fear that planning my day around a digital date will keep me from living life in the real world.
Monday afternoons:As I start my week, I tend to be too busy to meet people in person anyway.
Tuesday evenings: On ‘Steve’s night out’ I encourage him to meet up with friends and pursue his personal hobbies. I stay home with the puppy. This opens up a more convenient slot for west coasters, and doesn’t impede on family time.
The occasional weekend: If Steve is away, I add extra dates to accommodate more time zones and work schedules.
Voxer: This Kim Possible-worthy walkie talkie app lets you send voice memos back and forth (Messenger does too, but cuts you off at a minute). My creativity partner Scott and I trade voice memos across inconvenient time zones. I like to to listen and respond while I’m walking, carrying little conversations around in my pocket.
Send a video: Instead of typing out a paragraph, I’ll send a short video on Messenger or Instagram.
Pick up the phone. For long distant friends still in the UK, I’ll give them a ring when I have a moment. Also good for coordinating with local friends about when we’re meeting where. (Can you tell I’m not a huge fan of texting back and forth? :) )
Write a letter. I carry letters and extra stationery in my planner. At lunch or on a pomodoro break I’ll write a letter.
Write a postcard. I keep a box of postcards by my bedside table, and if I feel the urge to text someone, I write a postcard instead. Even if they live around the corner, even if I will see them tomorrow.
In an ideal world, I would return to the corded phone. As old and as cute as possible please.
P.S. How to Socialise as an Introvert
P.P.S. To stay in touch with you, reader, I hop on Instagram Stories every now and then. ;)
