Chapter
Jan 04 2022
The annoying thing about a healthy breakup is that I can’t surrender to the rage of Olivia Rodrigo’s good 4 u. UGH!
Perhaps because we were ready for this outcome months ago, before comprehending it as an option. That’s the hardest part for me: mourning the time spent holding on too long. Why didn’t I let myself get here sooner? All that time, trying to convince myself of a cottage dream that was never mine. But now I know.
I must listen to my own desires. I must express my imaginings, at the very least to myself. I must remove the idea of current constraints, and dream just for me, fully and first off. I’ve said this before, on a trip to New York: I must entertain the fantasy. Once my wishes are voiced or visualised, I can decide how they fit into my life. The truth is: if I can’t be my best self, I’m not that fun to be around anyway.
When I realised I never wanted the literal, permanent cottage dream, I felt relief — and also embarrassment. Oh, how many months I’d spent pursuing something that wasn’t in my heart! It all had to happen, and now I am proud to have chronicled the journey in real time, still there for you to see. An example of a muted self, trying so hard to want something that wasn’t for her.
I am raising my standards for dreaming.
I am only pursuing what is a definite yes, right now. In the most liberating way, nothing has to be forever. And when I’m not drawn to a certain goal, I won’t scramble for a fake dream, or fall into my idea of someone else’s.
Better to dream for a dream, to wish for a wish, than to pick something random that doesn’t exist.
^ Hm. That sounds like it should be a song!
This month in Everyday Wonderland, we’ll practice raising our standards for dreaming. Our chapter title for January is Shoot for the Moon 🚀. The first postcard of the month arrives Sunday. Now is the best time to join. I hope to see you there, if it’s calling to your heart :)
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