For a few years, my author friend Siobhan and I have been meeting every month for Writers’ Drinks (her novel, Half Life, is Greek gods + zombie apocalypse!). We go somewhere nice to discuss our creative projects and manifestations. This year, we’re shifting from accountability to celebration!
To prepare, I asked myself, What are we celebrating? A few themes and learnings emerged, which I’m excited to share with you :)
This was my month of SPEAK NOW.
💜 I’ve been speaking more openly about my learnings, and inviting in help. In particular, I’ve never really talked to people about my intentions to learn about love, and my goal of financial independence. So, I mustn’t forget to celebrate that step: of speaking about it. I’ve gotten SUCH amazing recommendations for resources, (and I welcome more)!
I learned about Attachment Styles.
💗 I read three books on love! From Gala Darling’s Hologram Heart, I found this Attachment Style test, which determined I am Secure (yessss! That was validating!).
💗 Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown is one of those 5-star transformative books of the year – already! 🤯🤯🤯 Thanks Juli for recommending!
💗 I’m thinking about Distributed Dependence, a concept I read about in the zine Queer Attachment (thanks Grace!). It cites Lucien Demarius’s framework of distributed dependence:
“a way to build resilience and healthy relationships by connecting authentically and intimately with at least five people. Distributed dependence allows us to build internal stability by co-regulating with others, not just romantic intimate partners. We like this framework because it expands traditional attachment theory from the nuclear relationship to the community.”
Slow Down, Lightning McQueen!
💸 I budgeted out my savings in YNAB (You Need A Budget), and am continuing to determine my specific money goals. This is step one!
💸 I’m accepting uncertainty around ‘the how’ of making more money. This will come in time! Rather than scramble to take on busywork, I’m welcoming quiet and pause, to bring clarity on how to do this right, in a sustainable way. It’s scary!
🌈 At first, I was rushing to suddenly makeover my apartment! But I’ve slowed to enjoy the process of choosing each next thing that will make it my own. All in good time!
💗 There is a frazzled aftermath of a 10-year relationship that makes me want to suddenly understand everything about what I want from that area of my life. Acknowledging that.
THE RUNNING THEME HERE: There. Is. No. Rush. ahhhh
Xandraland Welcomes New Visitors!
🌈 I love love love hosting friends for cookies and coffee and cake. Takes me back to Oxford days, tiny tea parties on Turl Street. I put polaroids up on my cork board map of the UK, the ones I had printed from when I closed my Instagram account.
🌈 Rainbow doormat! Sister wisely pointed out that this will not last. That doormats are designed to get dirty. But I DON’T CARE. I like this for now, for however long it stays colourful 🥰
🌈 New mugs! My beloved X mug, a present from Ania, broke. She said that it absorbed evil eye energy ! I asked her if I should piece it back together with kintsugi, like Kylo Xan. No, she said, let go with love. ok. ❤️ I searched and searched, and found a pair of daisy mugs I really love. They remind me of Daisy Jones and the Six.
🌈 I hung stuff up! The entryway unit is on the wall, as intended. As are my Blackpool Pleasure Beach hooks. Feels very adult, to have stuff up on the wall where they were intended to be all along.
Next Time On…
🌈 I’m making a Madonna Wall featuring this set of prints.
💗 I just started reading Ace by Angela Chen OMG
💸 I’ll be clarifying my web presence to explain what Heroine Training is, why, and the first step for getting started!
💸 I’m creating a new free opt-in on how to Mini Adventure :)
How are YOUR new year’s intentions going? Let me know: what are we celebrating?
Until the Next Chapter,